Social Dancing & Etiquette

Sick of Boring Salsa Dances? Jam Like a Musician

Great social dancers don’t just execute moves—they jam like musicians.

Last night, in Medellín, I witnessed a live Latin jazz jam session that was incredibly inspiring. The way the musicians improvised together and jammed off each other reminded me of the ingredient that can make salsa dancing so invigorating – the connection.

So, let’s explore how you can structure your dances like a Latin jazz jam session to make them more musical, dynamic, and fun.

The Jazz Influence on Salsa

Jazz played a major role in the rise of mambo in New York City during the 1940s and 1950s, which eventually evolved into salsa as we know it today. By understanding how jazz musicians interact, we can apply similar principles to social dancing.

Step 1: Establish the Groove

In a Latin jazz jam session, musicians use a “standard”—a popular song or melody that serves as a foundation for improvisation. This shared structure allows musicians to jump in and play along.

As dancers, our structure comes from the song playing. We move within that framework, interpreting the rhythms and melodies through our footwork and partner connection.

At the start of a jam session, the pianist often lays down a groove while the other musicians listen and gradually layer on their instruments. Similarly, in dance, you should tune in to your partner’s movements, adjust, and fine-tune your connection before diving into more complex exchanges.

Step 2: Explore Together

Once the groove is set, musicians subtly exchange ideas before anyone takes a solo. They experiment, adjust to each other’s energy, and build on what’s happening in the moment.

As a leader in dance, you can start shifting your timing, energy, or movement dynamics and see how your partner responds. Followers can find small opportunities to style and express themselves within the lead’s structure. This back-and-forth creates an interactive experience rather than just executing a series of moves.

Step 3: Solos and Exchanges

In a jazz session, solos are where individual musicians break free while the rest of the band supports them. The energy dips momentarily to give the spotlight to the soloist and then the soloist typically builds the energy back up until the band joins back in.

In salsa, this is the equivalent of breaking into shines (solo footwork) or giving your partner moments to express themselves within the dance. A leader might hit a musical accent with a dynamic sequence and then create space for the follower to respond and shine. Even within partner work, there are ways to highlight each other’s unique style without fully breaking apart.

Break into shines if you want to give complete freedom. Or try the “you go, then I go” concept in partner work to create a fun playful exchange.

Step 4: Reconnect

Once a musician is finishing their solo the group comes back and plays together again, often repeating a chorus they all know, before going back into another solo. This creates a sense of continuity so the session doesn’t feel too chaotic or disconnected.

You can use this same idea of contrast, going from solos to partner work, to create a sense of unity in your dance as well.

Step 5: More Solos

Once you reconnect, it’s time to give your partner space again. Keep going back and forth. Create that contrast, give each other space, then reconnect and have more fun together.

Step 6: Finale

Once all of the musicians have had their chance to do a solo the group comes back together and prepares for the finale, often raising the energy again before an impressive finale with a crescendo.

 

Likewise, before the end of a song, make sure you reconnect with your partner for the last few phrases of the song and finish with a simple concluding move: a spin to a hug or spin to a dip works great. You can get creative but try and finish on a connected note. Your intention will leave a lasting positive impression.

Social Dance Examples (see video)

Terry and Denise: Improvisation Within Structure

Terry lays the foundation with an open break, and Denise uses the moment to style. He hits a musical accent with a dynamic turn pattern, giving her space to shine again. By holding only one hand instead of both, he allows her freedom to play within the rhythm while maintaining connection.

Eddie Torres Jr: Simple Exchanges for Fun Interactions

Eddie surprises his partner by placing her hands on his body when the lyrics say “sentimiento” (feeling). She plays along and responds with a body wave. Then, Eddie shifts the rhythm by tapping his foot to beats 1, 3, 5, and 7, creating an opportunity for his partner to execute a turn at her own pace—either at normal speed or nice and slow to the same rhythm. This simple yet effective approach adds musicality and fun to the dance.

He then lead the same right turn to the 1-3-5-7 rhythm but they did it together as a couple. You go, we go.

Fabrizio and Tania: You Go, I Go

Fabrizio gave Tania space to style when he gave her two back to back inside free turns and then he decided it was his turn to show his skills and he executed a couple spins back to back. You could see Tania’s ecstatic reaction.

He then contrasted this by offering his arm, so she could interlock with it and they went off the 123-567 rhythm to play with the music, as he guided her. This is like the musicians going from playing as a group, to solos – contrast is effective to create a memorable dance and keep things interesting.

Next, Fabrizio and Tania switched between partner work and shines for the remainder of the dance, playing off each other’s steps, and doing playful exchanges. Fabrizio did some footwork to the violin and then stopped and looked over at Tania to see what she would do. They then copied each other’s steps to finish the shines.

At the end of the dance, Fabrizio reconnected with Tania for the final phrases and gave her a nice dip. A great conclusion.

Bringing It All Together

Social dancing isn’t just about executing patterns—it’s about interacting, improvising, and jamming with your partner, just like musicians do in a jazz session.

  • Establish the groove by listening to the song and your partner.
  • Play off each other with subtle shifts in energy and movement.
  • Take turns “soloing” by creating space for individual expression.
  • Reconnect in between solos or energetic exchanges to create contrast.
  • Come together at the end and finish on a high note.

By thinking like a jazz musician, you can transform your salsa dancing from predictable patterns into a lively, musical conversation. So next time you hit the dance floor, don’t just dance—jam.

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How to Get Asked to Dance More

For this week’s salsa tip I’m going to respond to a question that Jill left on one of our other videos:

“What can a woman do to increase her chances of being asked to dance? I
find myself standing around a lot, sometimes with plenty of guys around who aren’t dancing.”

Very humorously “LeGrande blonde avec fits” (in french) responded:

Smile and look friendly. If you have a bored, mysterious secret-agent face
that came here to meet the contact instead of a dance, then you’d have to wait for either Daniel Craig or Tom Cruise to show up. And that is very unlikely to happen.

So that’s kinda funny and very true. I feel that there’s things that are within our control and things that are not within our control and I’d rather focus on the things that can be controlled.

For instance, you can always ask somebody to dance. And, yes, you could take care of making sure that you you look approachable, your arms aren’t folded across your chest, you’re not hiding in the corner with a scowl etc. as mentioned above.

But I’m going to take a little bit of a different approach and I’m going to draw a parallel to when I first started teaching salsa and that was how can I get more people in my classes.

Do you deserve a dance?

I started with one student and I understood that if I couldn’t take care of that one student then I didn’t deserve another.

If I couldn’t take care of two students then I didn’t deserve another.

So, instead of feeling defeated with only one student and cancelling my classes, I kept my classes running regardless of whether there was one, two, or three students, even if it was at a cost to me.

Then, what I made sure I did is I took care of my one, two or three students the best I could. By doing that my student base started to grow.

So, I would draw the same parallel to when you’re dancing.

You can ask somebody to dance and when you are dancing take care of that partner as best you can. Be a good partner. That includes things like being pleasant, knowing what you’re doing, as well being able to social dance.

Ultimately, if you feel good to your partner they will ask you again.

Once you’re on the floor, other dancers can see how you dance, that you’re enjoying the company of your dance partner and that you know what you’re doing. That goes a long way.

I’ve often heard women complain saying that the younger more attractive girls get asked to dance. I’m not going to deny that that happens, but what about the repeat dances?

If somebody doesn’t feel good and they haven’t taken the time to learn how to do this dance then it doesn’t matter if they’re beginner or intermediate, hot or not — we won’t ask them to dance again. If they’re enjoyable to dance with, you can bet we will.

So there’s no magic pill.

It’s just a matter of putting the time in, learning, going out, being sociable, being approachable and also not hesitating to approach others for a dance.

I hope that gives a little bit of direction on the things that we can control as opposed to the things that we can’t.

Feel good for your partners and everything is going to go just fine.

Reflect, focus on what’s in your control and always be improving.

That’s a recipe for success and others will notice.

Are You Making People Uncomfortable at Socials?

This week’s tip is called “Don’t Hover.”

When you go out to dance salsa or bachata at a social the goal is to meet new people and enjoy some dances.

But if you make people uncomfortable none of that is going to happen. They’re going to distance themselves from you.

So how do you know if you’re making people uncomfortable at a salsa or bachata social?

Are you making people uncomfortable?

If you’ve ever wondered this or if you’ve noticed people avoiding you, here’s what might be happening…

The key here is awareness. Once you’re aware of what’s causing undesirable results, you can change your behaviour.

In this case we’re talking about “hovering” — being overly attentive or desperate towards someone you wish to dance with.

Hovering can create uncomfortable situations and might denote a sense of desperation or insecurity. Many times, those that are being “hovered over” may react by distancing themselves, which inadvertently compounds the hoverer’s insecurities and so perpetuates the cycle.

If you think you may have been hovering, the ideal outcome is that you become aware of it and can resolve any issues that might be causing you to do so. This change eventually benefits the social dance community and facilitates natural and enjoyable interactions.

 

Key Takeaways

  • Hovering over someone during a social activity, such as salsa or bachata socials, creates a sense of discomfort and can lead to a feeling of desperation from the person doing the hovering.
  •  This desperation is usually rooted in deeper insecurities and it’s important to consult with a trusted individual (or therapist) to address these feelings.
  • A fight-or-flight response can be produced in the person being hovered over, often leading them to avoid the person demonstrating this behavior.
  • Unnatural interactions are produced when people feel uncomfortable, impossible to enjoy, leading to people avoiding the person causing that feeling.
  • Addressing the issue causing feelings of desperation will lead to better and more natural interactions in social dance environments, as well as improving the overall social experience for everyone

If you think you might be hovering (a lot of us have as nervous beginners), then try to become aware of it and adjust your behaviour.

Making people feel comfortable will lead to new connections and more invites to dance.

Have fun out there!

Asking for Feedback When Social Dancing

Here’s another weekly salsa tip and something we experience from time to time as teachers.

Let’s say I’ve just finished dancing with somebody, you say thank you and you’re going to be on your way but then they stop you and ask:

“Any suggestions? Any feedback on my dancing?”  

Should I ask for feedback when social dancing?

Our vote is no.

For me personally I have a harder time handling this situation than my wife Scarlet. She typically responds:

“You know this is social dancing and I don’t really give feedback. If you really want to learn there’s classes and there’s privates. This is not really the environment to do that.”

Me on the other hand I have a harder time doing that and, believe me, most of the time that’s what I want to say, “Hey, it’s not really the appropriate environment for this.”

We’re not the only ones that feel this way either, our peers do too.

On top of that Scarlet and I take classes. We’re also very interested in learning and improving but I’m not about to go and social dance with a variety of people and ask, “How am I doing? What should I do better?” How the heck should they know?

If you really want to learn go to somebody you trust and learn from them. Otherwise your learning is going to be a bunch of tips from a random people and you’re going to hear something different every time.

You want to learn from people you trust AND that know what they’re doing. Set up some lessons with them or go to their group classes.

What I also find is that a lot of people who say they’re very open to feedback reject the feedback you give them. They approach you on the social dance floor, request feedback, you give them a suggestion and then they respond something like, “Wow, I don’t do that. Most of the follows say I’m pretty smooth,” and then they start rejecting your information.

So for me I don’t like having to go through that and then now I’m going to have to explain what I meant and feelings might be hurt. it’s just not the best environment.

It’s not to say you can never do it but use your discretion. I personally don’t do it. Just remember, it’s a social setting, so just dance and don’t be asking for suggestions or tips. We’re all there to have fun and just to enjoy ourselves.

The best place for learning is the studio.

Think Twice Before Coaching Your Salsa Partner

You’re in the middle of a social dance, things aren’t going quite right and you’ve got this growing urge to tell your partner what they’re doing wrong.

Stop. Right. There.

If you’re not qualified to teach, don’t do it.

When a dance feels like it’s falling apart, coaching your salsa partner might seem like a great idea, but it ain’t. Here’s why: Read more